If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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