She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
