apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
