i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
