Ambien. No doubt about it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
