Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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