Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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