Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
