So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize