he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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