Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
