You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
