There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
even my farts smell like vagina
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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