Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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