I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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