my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize