that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
