If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
