Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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