Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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