do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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