I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
