Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
