Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
