Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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