What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
