You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
