I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
