So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
do herpes really smell.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize