Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
