Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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