i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize