Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
