yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
