I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
