so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
