Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
