We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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