If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Its about making memories worth repressing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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