Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
