I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
