its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
