I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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