who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
