Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
