He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
