now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
