just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
