Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
