i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
