Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
