I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
