You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
