OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
