ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize