I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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