I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
