he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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