Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
