um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
