I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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