just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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