i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
