no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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