You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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