I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
