Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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