i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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