Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
