my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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