On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
