ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
