3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
