Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
