Duck Duck Cougar?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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