Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
