I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
