I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
