I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
