2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
