its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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