FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
