there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm sobbing to NWA
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
