i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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