yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
