Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
