Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
