suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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