I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
