Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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