shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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