i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
