Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
