Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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