Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
