I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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