Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
