there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
